I wonder when everything will change. When will I break free from the inevitable cycle I have been prisoner to for so long? If I had some sort of solution to this problem, it wouldn't bother me at all. But nothing is ever good enough anymore. I can't get as good of grades as I want to, I can't find people to hang out with who make me truly happy, I have fallen for a guy that I have already liked before, and I never want to be at home because just being there fills me with an irritability that will soon boil over.
So, in attempt to ebb away at my pain and longing for a better life, I lay in bed at night and close my eyes. I picture your beautiful face next to me. One of your arms is around my waist, the other is running through my hair. You tell me you love me, and everything will soon get better.
Sometimes I lay against the wall and imagine it is your strong body. I would do anything to have you hold me tight. It is sad that this is what I have become; someone who is so obsessed with everything being just perfect, that reality can no longer satisfy me in any way, shape, or form. My estimated time of complete happiness is when I leave this town that is all I have ever known. I am one who easily becomes bored with 'the same old song and dance.' So it's not hard to see that living in the same house, with the same people, eating the same meals, doing the same thing everyday, is what has lead me to what I am now.
I want to go to New York City. As high-maintenance as I am, it seems to be the perfect fit. And not only that, but you are in New York. If reality will truly never be enough to satisfy me, then I must make you the one thing that keeps me holding on.
"If I could ride this slide into forever
What would I give to getaway
That pain, that stain,
Seems like forever
What would you give to getaway
I know this is how I could be over you
You know this is not another waste of time
All this holding on can't be wrong
Just come back to me and I am not alone"
Getaway- Train
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